peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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