they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
