im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dicks are not precious.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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