New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
