Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
