you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
