come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
