what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
