Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
