mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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