I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
