You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
