I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
