Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
