you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
