so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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