she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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