Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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