I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize