she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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