I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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