Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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