I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my being single is dangerous.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
