david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
