the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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