I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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