adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
