Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
