at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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