oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
