I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dignity is for republicans.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
