i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize