you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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