after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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