Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
