Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
