Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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