She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
