It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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