considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
