D3 body, D1 cock
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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