i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
