his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
