I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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