your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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