She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
