I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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