Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize