State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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