I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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