We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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