I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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