I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
