in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
