Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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