I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
