take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
