mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
