Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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