Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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