The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
