I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
