You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
