i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm just crazy horny about you
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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