ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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