cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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