he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
