You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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