I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize