oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
