i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
