Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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