So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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