i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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